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Lucas Colon

Me and My (Pre-Travel) Anxiety

6/1/2019

2 Comments

 
Hello.


It’s 2AM on June 1. And I just finished packing.


Yeah.


I don’t really consider myself to be an anxious traveler. I actually LOVE flying on planes, exploring airports, and the general bustle of activity. That’s the fun part. Instead, all my anxiety/nerves/fears/etc. are crammed into the week before I travel. On this particular instance, they were all crammed into TONIGHT. I actually took photos of my suitcase and travel kits - they look nice and organized, but the extreme tightness (yes, the clothing is rolled instead of folded) and hyper-organization point to a level of anxiety I haven’t yet experienced.

You see, anxiety isn’t really something I let myself express in my household. I’m the oldest of three siblings, and the only one to attend college. Anxiety is kind of a big thing for us. My siblings and I are hyper-aware and sensitive (them much more so than me), and while that hyper-sensitivity is great for studying, analysis, and broadening our minds, it never leaves us. It is our blessing as well as our burden. Naturally, as the eldest child, I want to make things easier for my siblings, helping to guide and assist them. Unfortunately, that often means putting my anxieties aside in the hopes that others might mirror my behavior, or (more likely) to calm others’ anxieties. 


And where does that leave me? How do I deal with my own anxieties? Well, I avoid things. Procrastination replaces productivity, and when things absolutely have to get done, they happen in a manic burst of frenzied activity (hence, packing being completed at 2AM on the day I depart). It’s not a habit I’m proud of, but now that I’ve taken the time to reflect on myself, it’s something that I need to notice and change.

I’m hopeful that Rwanda can become a place for that change to occur.


I'm also sleepy and not sure why I'm still up. Here’s to 2 lovely hours of sleep.


:)
2 Comments
Kathryn Neeson
6/1/2019 08:33:07 am

New member of the AFP Advisory Board. Very interested in your travels.

Reply
LJ Inglut
6/3/2019 11:23:35 am

Hi Lucas! Reading your blog felt like reading some of the thoughts in my mind. I too absolutely love the bustle of travel, flying, etc. and I too have the worst anxiety the days leading up. Nightmares about packing an entire suitcase of only nail polish etc have lingered in my mind many a time.. Now that I’m an older sibling, I too understand that almost pressure (albeit self-supplied pressure) to be a caretaker and set a positive tone for the ones relying on us. It’s ok not to be perfect, it’s ok to live with anxiety, it’s ok not to be perfect! Thanks for sharing the inner workings my friend and save travels ❤️ Enjoy all of the little moments and tell the Rwandan birds singing that I say hello!!

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    About Lucas

    I am traveling to Rwanda with the intent of a sponge - I want to absorb as many unique experiences as I possibly can, and bring them back to share with my culture. I am a multifaceted artist, and Rwanda is a treasure trove of valuable experiences to draw inspiration from. As a visual artist, I look forward to seeing unique handmade art, and letting it inspire an artistic vision. As a musician, I look forward to hearing vastly different than what I’m used to, and letting that inspire music from my soul. And as a teacher, I’m looking to see teaching methods different than what I have known. I want to bring these gifts back and share them with my culture. 

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